My online Dom has Disappeared

Well, it seems after a couple weeks of online fun, my would-be Dom has disappeared. We met, originally on adult personals website ALT.com a few weeks back and, it seemed, things were progressing. I was learning a lot of new things about myself and he seemed to really be helping me understand a bit more about my desire for bondage, a collar and I was learning some of the basics about the BDSM lifestyle. We were playing some interesting games and I was really enjoying the daily dialogue. We had become so comfortable, that we had played on cam and even sent text messages back and forth throughout the day. Then, suddenly - and without provocation or warning - it stopped.

I sent a couple additional messages to ask if I had done something to disappoint him. No reply. I sent one more telling him I was suddenly feeling very vulnerable and alone. Nothing. Oh well, I thought, it was what it was. Apparently, either I grew boring, the distance proved to great or perhaps he found something 'better' to do. I've moved on pretty seamlessly. I had invested some of myself in all of this but I also am not - never have been - the type to look back. I've too much going for myself right now to get down or blame myself.

I have been talking to a few others in the lifestyle during this time but was sorta giving most the brush as I was really enjoying my training. However, since this so-called Dom (I have to assume, for my benefit, that he is just a bit of a flake to not even message me goodbye) stopped responding, I've re-opened dialogue with a few. Some, thankfully, are more local.

One that intrigues me a bit is a couple. He is a Dom and she is a Switch. If you don't know what that term means, don't feel bad. I didn't either until I started searching around on places like CollarMe and ALT.com. A Switch is someone that plays both a submissive role and also plays a Dom (or, in this case Domme) role. She is, decidedly, a submissive with her man. However, they've indicated that they've entertained single females before and, in this situation, she prefers to play a dominant role.

Both are just my style. Intelligent, sexy, fit and very attractive. They added benefit is that they live about 35 miles from me. So, a meeting is possible. I am not sure I am ready for that yet. Especially since I am still smarting a bit (and perhaps just a bit wiser) after my online Dom disappeared. Time will tell but this BDSM couple certainly is intriguing.

Calling my Dom, Sir

I have continued my online journey further over the past couple weeks and I am learning a lot about myself. I am now of the belief that I was always intended for this alternative way of life. For me, it seems, it was never really as alternative as necessary. For me, it seems, I am learning that I always desired to have a Dom in my life. I just didn't know it until recently realizing this in my heart as well as my mind.

One of the things I am struggling with involves the way to communicate with my online Dom. I am to call him "Sir" but it doesn't always sound right to me. Sometimes I want to refer to him as My Master or Dom. However, he only accepts Sir. In fact, I am learning, through my own weakness and errors, that I am to always address him with the beginning or ending of Sir. It is odd. These words forming in my mouth. But, I am learning.

My Dom has continued to teach me things that I didn't realize or know about myself. Many of these, surprising to me, don't deal with sex at all. I think my initial perspective revolved around the sexual nature. I thought of learning to serve in a sexual way and learning how to please my Do, dominance and discipline or punishment. However, I don't think I ever realized how much of the BDSM lifestyle did not involve thoughts in a sexual way. Indirectly, the thought is always there. However, many times, it is not addressed. Instead, I find my panties soaking with anticipation of my next chat or my next direction or instruction.

Despite not really ever 'seeing' my online Dom, I am finding myself drawn to his wisdom, his intelligence and his inner beauty. Make no mistake, though, he has a gorgeous body and a handsome face. While I've not seen this in person, we have shared webcam sessions on Alt.com and I am not being trained by some unattractive, anonymous man.

I look forward to each day with my new found Dom. While we've no contractual relationship, I am excited for this new found life. I am still open, and - honestly - hopeful that some day I'll take another step toward a more 'phusical' Dom. But for now, I am learning about things in an environment that is comfortable (and, admittedly, a bit uncomfortable) and learning a lot about myself and the BDSM life.

A Long Distance Dom

So I've begun, over the past few weeks, to establish a relationship with an online Dom. The trouble - and perhaps the blessing - is that he is long distance. We established a connection through ALT.com and began exchanging messages. He was incredibly patient with this 'newbie' and spoke from a point of some knowledge. I could tell from our initial conversations that he was...I guess you could say, wise in the lifestyle. Judging from the photos, I could also tell he was in shape and his profile was written with a level of intelligence.

However, I was becoming a bit frustrated. We'd exchange a message or two each day and I craved more. Finally, I was about to give up and told him "It's too bad you didn't live closer. You seem perfect for me." He replied a few hours later asking me if I had considered a long distance Dom. My reply was a simple "Is that even possible?"

He explained the obvious limitations but also expressed the things he could do for me. I was intrigued and told him I was interested. He asked me to verify who I was and we sat down for a video chat. He was as gorgeous and understanding as his online profile. After we spoke for some time, I took a chance and asked him if we could text. He did ask me to 'confirm' that I was real and that I was 'of age' (something, understandably, that he had concerns with - do I look that young? LOL). I did show by flashing the birthdate on my driver's license.

We've been talking for a few days now via text. It's been amazing. He has helped me in a number of nonsexual ways already. I can tell he will make me a better person and I've submitted to his domination as best I can. I've not discounted the idea of having a local Dom...but for now, this is a wonderful initiation.

When I Knew I Desired a Collar

As I've already talked about, I knew very early on that I was a submissive. Sex is very important to me...it can even be an all-consuming endeavor at times. I watch porn, almost daily, and I think about sex all the time.

I've always had a desire for asphyxiation. I asked men to choke me very early on, probably as young as age 16, and I yearned to feel helpless and completely dominated. I got the occasional, high school attempt at a choke and/or an ass slap but nothing more until I met a man while in college.

He unleashed the insatiable need for more and more kinky, rough sex. He slapped my face, spit on my body and face and had rough sex where he would penetrate me deep and hard. I enjoy the idea of bondage more than any other temptation. I desire to be tied up and suspended in many positions. I crave a stern hand that isn't afraid to leave marks all over my body. Temporary pain is such a turn on for me - though I do have a fear of permanent markings. I have a curiosity about knife play. Not being cut or anything but, perhaps, the feeling of a blade tearing my clothes off me and then running across my body while I am blindfolded. My body is quivering just thinking about having my clothes cut off!

Those are a just a few of my late evening hump day thoughts on the kinks I crave. Wow, now I am lying in my bed, wet, waiting for someone to rip this pair of panties off me! Oh dear, where is that sex toy?