I began thinking about this blog a month or so ago. I created a template...a design...and then posted nothing. I wasn't sure I really wanted to do this. I had a diary as a young girl, had kept a 'journal' while in college and decided that, this being the age of the internet, it was time to (perhaps) begin an online journal. I thought of a name that had been something that had been in my head for a long time. I even found myself writing it down while in a boring meeting once "Rope and Heels". I sat there, doodling it. Outlining it, writing it over and over.
You see, I've had thoughts...strange thoughts to many...about being in a BDSM relationship. There, I said it. I've looked online at many sites (some of which I hope to share with you if you'll 'follow' me). I've spent many a tormented hour looking at amateur and professional videos where women are dominated....told what to do....forced to do...some very disturbing (yet incredibly erotic) things. I've struggled with these thoughts for a long time, kept them secret, hidden from the social world in which I live. I grew up in a religious home. I was supposed to find a wonderful guy with a good career, a good family background, a good work ethic and a good religious upbringing. Yet, I always struggled with my thoughts of what I wanted!
In high school and, more so, in college, I explored my sexuality. I was the prototypical sorority girl who dressed the part, played the part and socialized with those that wanted to be the part. Yet, I was not really all that. Underneath, I was a bit of, I guess I can say it, a slut. I hid most of my 'deviant' activities from my friends and sorority sisters. But, underneath that exterior experience, there was a girl that wanted to just yell it out. Through my encounters, some of which I will undoubtedly share here, I fantasized about what I really wanted. I wanted to be held down, told what to do, when to do it and how to do it. I had fantasies of rape...something I've learned is not uncommon. I had fantasies of being the center of a gang bang...something else I've learned is not uncommon. But even more than that, I had desires of learning more about the BDSM lifestyle. As I began exploring my sexuality, these thoughts grew.
So, last month, I decided. I'd begin a blog and an adventure. I'd begin a new path. I'd start learning everything I could about this alternative culture, in the anonymity of my own computer and home and I'd start to let myself explore what it is I really desired....to live the life of a submissive. Today, I begin that journey with this blog.
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