Any Bondage Lifestyle People Reading This?

So I've written a few journal entries now and have had ZERO feedback.  I had thought that my writing would actually, not only help me write out and hear - outside my head - some of my bondage thoughts, but also obtain some feedback and help from some of the people reading this.  Perhaps someone with a bit more experience or someone else that is also interested in the whole alternative, BDSM lifestyle.  Perhaps someone that has some experience being tied up into a bondage position with rope, handcuffed and suspended, flogged with a whip, paddle or...stick.

I am afraid I am writing this into thin air.  It has taken me so much courage in 'putting myself out there' and I am craving some feedback.  So please, tell me where I might go, what I might do to educate myself on what it is I feel and desire.

It is much more than about the sex for me.  It is a desire to be truly dominated by someone that also balances this with respect, desire and a 'relationship'.  I know, for me, this can't be something 'full time' but it is also something that I desire to live on a daily basis.  I don't know my own boundaries yet and I know that statement, in and of itself, tells me that I am not ready for the real world of BDSM yet.  Instead, I want to learn, I want to reflect, I want to evolve and I want to start on this road toward finding the dominant man I desire...that desires me and will not simply dismiss me as something that I am not.

Checking out Rope Bondage websites

Over the weekend, I was back out on the internet searching for sites to learn a bit more about BDSM. I came across some really good sites about rope and began to explore all there is to know about bondage rope. It is quite intriguing and, it appears, the Japanese have a long history of rope, intricate knots, bondage and suspension. I was so involved, I must have spent four or five hours on Saturday looking it over, studying it and even ordered some samples.  I am excited for their arrival!

I feel like such a rookie when it comes to talking about this so perhaps others that read this, that are more knowledgeable than I, can respond with the best rope to use.   Hemp rope seems to be the most widely used rope for bondage.  However, when I look at pictures of it, it looks a bit more coarse than what I'd like to try...at least the first time.  Jute looks a bit less coarse and I am thinking that, within my budget, perhaps this is the best choice for starting out.

I did watch some YouTube videos about bondage and did find an interesting article about a bondage rope harness that has me wanting to learn all about the different types of bondage ties that are possible.  I am not sure how I can learn without having a subject to tie up.  I am sure I can take a class but perhaps getting my free samples will allow me to figure out an 'at home' way I can practice a bit.

I also want to figure out what, inside me, makes me so wet with thoughts of being tied up.  In my search, I can across a site that gave me some possible explanations of why I want to be tied up.  It seems to oversimplify suggesting that I want to submit and give up control. It may very well be that bondage, for me, is just a bridge to take me some place else that I want to go. Right now, I see it as an occasional dash of spice into an, otherwise, vanilla sex life but I could see where my world could have more focus on this than a vanilla escape.  I see bondage as liberating in many ways.  It allows things to happen that couldn't otherwise happen. I do know this....it's a form of pleasure that I can no longer deny.

The More Mature Rope and Heels

While I was in college, my 'coming out' really started to occur.  As I said, I was pretty disappointed with 'wannabee' alpha males.  They started off sounding strong and then they'd start to 'give in', giving me control. I DIDN"T WANT THAT!  There were a few exceptions and that, more than anything else, probably affected my current path.  I met one guy that really liked aggressive sex.  He was a bit quite...almost dark.  He wasn't really that impressive, physically, in public.  But when we hit the lights, he was quite different.  He was aggressive, strong, well-endowed (despite his 'skinnier frame') and really was my first 'dominant' lover.  Well, sorta.  I guess I should say he was my first dominant boyfriend.   After we dated (only about six weeks), I remember having other lovers that were not as forceful.  They left me fantasizing, craving 'more' and had me recalling my prior dominant boyfriend.  There were occasions where we'd 'hook up' without any commitments.  It was purely physical for me (I know, not very lady-like).  He taught me a lot about what I desired.  Later in college, I discovered that I could be bad and kinky yet still be submissive and a good girl.  By surrendering what I am..what I need, I found a way to find strong lovers and devote myself to giving until it hurt.  I'll try to explain what I mean in future postings.

My desire for a more 'alternative' sexual life has always been with me.  I know it started very young.  Mostly, I've been disappointed with my lovers.  I find more satisfaction from my toys, my thoughts, my website visual aids and my fantasies.  I daydream about being tied down, told what to do, forced to do things I don't appear to want to do.  I have thoughts of being held captive, being raped, being 'used' by men I don't know.   Bondage and discipline are thoughts foremost in my mind most days.  I am not sure where these thoughts originated.  I've never been to a therapist and really have no desire for fodder.  I've always been one of self-exploration and self-understanding.  I guess, perhaps this blog is my therapy.  My guess is there are a few amateur psychoanalysts out there (as well as psychos, which keeps my anonymity of high concern for me).  One of my main motivations for starting this blog is to journal and learn more about myself.

A Little More About a Young Rope and Heels

No, not the blog but me! :)

So as I've already said in my "about me" area of this page (and my profile), I am in my late 20's.  I'd rather not say other than I am approaching 30 very soon.  I grew up in the desert southwest but was originally born in the midwest.  I grew up in a strict religious home but also had the dichotomy of having a lot of freedom.  This allowed me to really explore my sexuality while also keeping up the appearance, to my parents anyway, that I was a 'good girl'.  I went to college locally and have a degree in business.  I am a member of a national sorority, still have some good friends from my college years but don't really keep in touch with most of them.

My sexual experience started fairly young. I gave myself to my first boyfriend when I was 14....pretty young - even by today's standard.  He was 17 (my parents didn't really know I even HAD a boyfriend).  It was your typical first experience, rushed, fast and left me thinking, "It has to be better than this!"  Over my junior high and high school years, I guess my experience was pretty typical of the average girl.  I am confident I was having a lot more sex than most my friends...the popular kids.  By all appearances, I was 'normal'.  I had good grades, went to church almost every Sunday, hung out with friends and, mostly secretly, had sex.....a lot of sex.  I learned how to give a good blow job (and used that skill when I was on my 'monthly' quite often, usually practiced safe sex (yes, there were those times where I panicked over unprotected sex) and had boyfriends (some weren't really boyfriends as much as, what is known today as, Friends w/ Benefits.

I graduated near the top of my class, participated in volleyball (I was short so I was relegated to 'setter'), worked at a water park and had a pretty suburban existence. As I said, I stayed close to home for college but really 'moved away' from my family after my freshmen year.  I lived with a couple other girls that were in my house that were pretty wild (also, despite their outward appearance) and, relative to them, I thought I was pretty mild.  I dated throughout college having only one major boyfriend for a period of about six months.  I was dedicated to getting good grades, participating in my sorority and partying when it was 'safe'.  I continued to explore my own sexuality and found more things I liked than disliked.  I always went for the alpha male.  The guy that was just a bit too confident...too sure of himself.  I wanted to show him that he wasn't all that...and most of the time, I did.

My New Year's Resolution - a BDSM Life

I began thinking about this blog a month or so ago.  I created a template...a design...and then posted nothing.  I wasn't sure I really wanted to do this.  I had a diary as a young girl, had kept a 'journal' while in college and decided that, this being the age of the internet, it was time to (perhaps) begin an online journal.  I thought of a name that had been something that had been in my head for a long time.  I even found myself writing it down while in a boring meeting once "Rope and Heels".  I sat there, doodling it.  Outlining it, writing it over and over.

You see, I've had thoughts...strange thoughts to many...about being in a BDSM relationship.  There, I said it.  I've looked online at many sites (some of which I hope to share with you if you'll 'follow' me).  I've spent many a tormented hour looking at amateur and professional videos where women are dominated....told what to do....forced to do...some very disturbing (yet incredibly erotic) things. I've struggled with these thoughts for a long time, kept them secret, hidden from the social world in which I live.  I grew up in a religious home.  I was supposed to find a wonderful guy with a good career, a good family background, a good work ethic and a good religious upbringing.  Yet, I always struggled with my thoughts of what I wanted!


In high school and, more so, in college, I explored my sexuality. I was the prototypical sorority girl who dressed the part, played the part and socialized with those that wanted to be the part.  Yet, I was not really all that.  Underneath, I was a bit of, I guess I can say it, a slut.  I hid most of my 'deviant' activities from my friends and sorority sisters.  But, underneath that exterior experience, there was a girl that wanted to just yell it out.  Through my encounters, some of which I will undoubtedly share here, I fantasized about what I really wanted.  I wanted to be held down, told what to do, when to do it and how to do it.  I had fantasies of rape...something I've learned is not uncommon.  I had fantasies of being the center of a gang bang...something else I've learned is not uncommon. But even more than that, I had desires of learning more about the BDSM lifestyle.  As I began exploring my sexuality, these thoughts grew.

So, last month, I decided.  I'd begin a blog and an adventure.  I'd begin a new path.  I'd start learning everything I could about this alternative culture, in the anonymity of my own computer and home and I'd start to let myself explore what it is I really desired....to live the life of a submissive.  Today, I begin that journey with this blog.